Read these jokes and tell me what you think?

Q. A woman walks into a tattoo parlor. She gets into the chair and tells the tattoo artist, "I want two tattoos, one on each of my inner thighs. I want a turkey on one thigh and a Christmas tree on the other."

The tattoo artist begins his work, but is a bit confused, so he says, "Lady, I'll do anything my customers want, but I gotta ask, why would you want a turkey on one thigh and a Christmas tree on the other?"

"Well, if you really want to know," she firmly answers, "I'm sick and tired of my husband telling me that there's never anything to eat between the holidays."



What is six inches long with a head on it, that women like to blow?

MONEY.


A man takes his wife to a livestock show. They start heading down the alley where the bulls are kept. A sign in front of the first bull says: "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year! You could learn from him."

They proceed to the next bull and that sign states: "This bull mated 65 times last year."

The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That's over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, big time."

They proceed to the last bull and his sign reads: "This bull mated 365 times last year."

The wife's mouth drops open as she gasps, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That's ONCE A DAY! You could really learn from this one!"

The man turns to his wife and says, "Yeah, okay. Go on up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."

A. Lots of smiles. I think the woman in joke one and the man in joke two should get together and discuss the reason behind the meaning of MONEY

Original Question

Where's the best place to put a tattoo?

Q. Where is the best place to put a tattoo on a woman out of sight, taking pregnancies into effect. I was thinking hips. I don't want any on my back.

A. On your skin! OK bad joke. There are a few places that will warp less with weight gain/loss or pregnancy. A lot of the people had it right with wrists/ankles/calves.

Wrist tattoos are delicate and (IMO) attractive. My friend has a wrist tattoo and she hides it with a watch or a bracelet.

Also, if you have longer hair, behind the ear is a nice place that won't stretch terribly with weight gain. It can be shown off easily with wearing your hair up, but hidden just by wearing your hair down or using stage makeup.

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Read these jokes and tell me what you think?

Q. A woman walks into a tattoo parlor. She gets into the chair and tells the tattoo artist, "I want two tattoos, one on each of my inner thighs. I want a turkey on one thigh and a Christmas tree on the other."

The tattoo artist begins his work, but is a bit confused, so he says, "Lady, I'll do anything my customers want, but I gotta ask, why would you want a turkey on one thigh and a Christmas tree on the other?"

"Well, if you really want to know," she firmly answers, "I'm sick and tired of my husband telling me that there's never anything to eat between the holidays."



What is six inches long with a head on it, that women like to blow?

MONEY.


A man takes his wife to a livestock show. They start heading down the alley where the bulls are kept. A sign in front of the first bull says: "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year! You could learn from him."

They proceed to the next bull and that sign states: "This bull mated 65 times last year."

The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That's over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, big time."

They proceed to the last bull and his sign reads: "This bull mated 365 times last year."

The wife's mouth drops open as she gasps, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That's ONCE A DAY! You could really learn from this one!"

The man turns to his wife and says, "Yeah, okay. Go on up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."

A. Lots of smiles. I think the woman in joke one and the man in joke two should get together and discuss the reason behind the meaning of MONEY

Original Question

Where's the best place to put a tattoo?

Q. Where is the best place to put a tattoo on a woman out of sight, taking pregnancies into effect. I was thinking hips. I don't want any on my back.

A. On your skin! OK bad joke. There are a few places that will warp less with weight gain/loss or pregnancy. A lot of the people had it right with wrists/ankles/calves.

Wrist tattoos are delicate and (IMO) attractive. My friend has a wrist tattoo and she hides it with a watch or a bracelet.

Also, if you have longer hair, behind the ear is a nice place that won't stretch terribly with weight gain. It can be shown off easily with wearing your hair up, but hidden just by wearing your hair down or using stage makeup.

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Why do people make fun of me for liking hairy men?

Q. I go crazy over hairy men, and I like it all over, including the back, down there, and I like heavily hairy men too, but why do people ridicule me for it? Purple I know are always giving me crap over it. No one makes fun of them for liking men who shave which used to be considered feminine. Why an I the butt of everyone s jokes?

A. because they are culturally manipulated lardheads that have been brainwashed by the media into thinking that hair anywhere but the head is gross. And this has been acomplished in less than one generation, first with women, and now - absurdly - with men. The latter effort is not yet complete, but it likely will be in the not too distant future. Why? Because hair removal is a multi billion dollar a year business in the U.S., and there is NO profit in convincing people they are fine the way they are.

When I was in High School, a mere thirty or so years ago, well, I frankly didn't know of or had heard of more than one or two girls that shaved her beaver, and those did so at the urging of the odd boyfriend, whom nearly every other male considered to be a rank wierdo, even a semi-sick fetishist with a peccadillo not dissimilar in it's substructure from pedophilia. In fact, GASP....a nice big fluffy bush was considered a turn-on by the majority of neophyte or soon-to-be sexually active males. And women in general didn't want to suffer through all manner of personal torture to serve up a sandpaper snatch, and many would flatly refuse men that pestered them to do so.

Well, it didn't take the crowd in charge of capitalizing and profiting on human insecurity that this was an unacceptable state of affairs. In a mere couple of decades they obviated thousands of years of natural male preference by phasing in shaved and waxed rubber tub toy female porn stars, Sports Illustrated models wearing swimsuit bottoms that consisted of some string and a miniscule triangular fabric flap barely high enough and wide enough to cover the great divide (with nary a hair exposed anywhere) and dutifully waxed and zapped Stroke Book (like Playboy) models. The first generation of males that grew up jerking off to split baloney as bald as a baby's butt demanded that their sexual partners shave and wax and zap and eliminate the down down there, which suddenly, among sore-handed, sheep-like males, had become about as attractive as its having been smeared with moose excrement. But did they stop there? Hell no. Now men are expected to follow suit.

Well, piss on that. I have hair everywhere except the soles of my feet, my palms, the top half of my face and a FEW other places. I'll be dipped in moose crap if I'm killing god know how many hours and gods knows how much money getting rid of it. Keeps me warm, and there are still plenty of women that like it (especially European women, and free thinkers like yourself that refuse to have their preferences determined by fashion rags and Fu*ckFilms). And the ones that don't tend to be shallow, media brainwashed airheads I can do without, anyway. Sean Connery has never had much trouble getting laid. Neither have I.

It bears mentioning that I also knew of no women in HIgh School and only a couple in college that had paid good money for ugly, phony jugs. Very few died their hair. Hardly any males or females had holes drilled in their faces with metal hanging in them - and none had hubcaps in idioticially stretched ears - very few had tattoos (and those that did were nearly all rednecks) - nobody I knew of had even heard of "hair extensions," blacks didn't braid their hair into a collection of greasy rows and strings tinted in colors unfit for baboon posteriors, and NOBODY shot crap into their lips.

Also, no one needed a different machine for every concievable exercise, or a different gizmo for every operation in the kitchen. There were virtually no tanning booths outside of California and perhaps no more than a half dozen plastic surgeons in all but the largest metro areas.

Starting to see pattern here? Anyone else feel like maybe, just MAYBE, the money grubbers line their pockets by making people unhappy with the body they were born with are making jackasses of nearly the lot of you?

By the way, men shaving all their body hair IS fruity and feminine, because men that do it are pushovers - for both media manipulated bimbos and the aforementioned money grubbers.

Original Question

May I have a really funny joke that will catch the attention of my audience?

Q. They can be bad jokes also!

It's for my class! I'm a tenth grade in high school! So they must be appropriate!

Thanks in advance!

A. Here are a couple that might be appropriate:

A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Mom' . With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Mom,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Dad.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...... Mom she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime, we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your son, Jonathan

P. S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer.
I love you.

Call me when it's safe to come home
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There were these two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through the hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you�ve wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and the giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left. Would you care to do it again ?"
He asks her, "Shall we ?"
She eagerly replies, "Oh yes, let�s! But let�s change positions.

This time, I�ll hold the pigeon down and you sh+t on its head !"

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What do you think of women with tattoos?

Q. It seems like almost every girl in New York has a tattoo. Last summer, I went up to Orchard Beach, and it seemed like 90% of the girls had tattoos (and most of them had more than one - one girl had at least 10 of them) And just about every girl in the city has a tattoo on her lower back.

Do you think women look good with tattoos?

How many tattoos are "too many" for a woman?

And is their any body part that women shouldn't get tattooed?

A. I think tattoos are a artistic way to for a person to express themselves male/female. Women inparticular are just more likely to not be as obvious of theirs as men are that's why they are in places that can be hidden or covered up by certain types of clothing we wear. That's why the lower back is so common,plus it's a very sexy place to have it also. I think tattoos with a special artistic or personal meaning look good because noone else but that person can relate to it,it will have something special for that one person. But if somone get's a tattoo because of a bet or some dumb drunken act then no it won't look good. All over body tattoos dont look good on girls especially on the face, I do admire the facial tattoos but I dont agree with them. But it's all up to the female, if she wants something meaningful and personal it will be beautiful no matter where it is. But if it's just some joke of a thing to do, just to fit in a crowd ,then it will be as ridiculous as the person who gets it.

Original Question

What is it with men and lower back tattoos?

Q. I went on a first date with a man this week who (accidentally) saw my lower back tattoo and asked so many questions about it! Now I was just watching Disney Cars and the male car is talking about a pinstripe tattoo on the female.

What's the big deal about that spot?

A. i asked my boyfriend about this one.

according to him, the small of a woman's back is very sexy. as far as tattoos there, it's a spot that is already a very sensual spot and a tattoo there is more often obscured. i happen to have a tattoo there (and no, it's not a tribal design or a butterfly or anything else "typical") and it's rarely seen by others. the first time my boyfriend saw it, he also asked me questions galore. he now jokes that it's like x-marks-the-spot; that's exactly where he puts his hand.

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What is it with men and lower back tattoos?

Q. I went on a first date with a man this week who (accidentally) saw my lower back tattoo and asked so many questions about it! Now I was just watching Disney Cars and the male car is talking about a pinstripe tattoo on the female.

What's the big deal about that spot?

A. i asked my boyfriend about this one.

according to him, the small of a woman's back is very sexy. as far as tattoos there, it's a spot that is already a very sensual spot and a tattoo there is more often obscured. i happen to have a tattoo there (and no, it's not a tribal design or a butterfly or anything else "typical") and it's rarely seen by others. the first time my boyfriend saw it, he also asked me questions galore. he now jokes that it's like x-marks-the-spot; that's exactly where he puts his hand.

Original Question

When did women tatoos become so popular?

Q. As somene who is 31 growing up most women didn't have tatoos. When did women tatoos become so popular and the norm?

A. It was popular, but now it has become a joke for either a man or woman to have tattoos.

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What is the funniest dirty joke you've ever heard?

Q. Bored at work. Trying to find hilarious jokes.

A. A woman named Betty wanted to surprise her husband Bart, so she went to get a tattoo.

The tattoo was of a "B" on each butt cheek. A "B" for Betty and a "B" for Bart.

When Bart got home from work, Betty bent over, pulled down her pants and said, "What do you think?"

He screamed"Who the hell is BOB?"

Original Question

How can I get a henna tattoo off?

Q. My friend and I tried henna the yesterday, and I jus want to know how to get it off just in case.

Its made out of henna powder, black tea, lemon juice, and sugar.

A. Exfoliating the skin along with "fading" a design is the only way a henna design will fade. Oils will not remove the design. If your design is less than 24 hours old, it is still "setting" and you may be able stop the color from developing further by simply washing the design in tap water. Most henna artists instruct their clients to avoid tap water for 6 - 24 hours after because the color will continue to develop even after the paste has been removed.

The most mild form of "removal" is to use whitening toothpaste on the henna design. Apply an inexpensive whitening toothpaste to the henna design like a facial mask for about 5 or 10 minutes.

The most practical form of removing a henna design on your hands is to do laundry -- by hand. That will speed up the "demise of the henna" at least 50%. Scrubbing clothes with your hands in the detergent and/or bleach will help get the stains out of your clothes and help fade the design considerably. Many women who get henna actually avoid household tasks for this reason. There are even jokes about it with regard to getting henna and not doing housework: "I can't do that. I just get henna."

You can also apply hydrogen peroxide with a cotton ball to the design, but be sure to moisturize the skin following the application.

If the design is on the palm of the hand or the soles of the feet, the henna demise is the slowest because of the thickness of the skin. If the design is the arms, chest or face, it will fade quicker than if a design on top of the hand. More importantly, if the henna was of very good quality and remained on the skin for long, it may have good staining power no matter where it is placed.

Original Question

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How can I get a henna tattoo off?

Q. My friend and I tried henna the yesterday, and I jus want to know how to get it off just in case.

Its made out of henna powder, black tea, lemon juice, and sugar.

A. Exfoliating the skin along with "fading" a design is the only way a henna design will fade. Oils will not remove the design. If your design is less than 24 hours old, it is still "setting" and you may be able stop the color from developing further by simply washing the design in tap water. Most henna artists instruct their clients to avoid tap water for 6 - 24 hours after because the color will continue to develop even after the paste has been removed.

The most mild form of "removal" is to use whitening toothpaste on the henna design. Apply an inexpensive whitening toothpaste to the henna design like a facial mask for about 5 or 10 minutes.

The most practical form of removing a henna design on your hands is to do laundry -- by hand. That will speed up the "demise of the henna" at least 50%. Scrubbing clothes with your hands in the detergent and/or bleach will help get the stains out of your clothes and help fade the design considerably. Many women who get henna actually avoid household tasks for this reason. There are even jokes about it with regard to getting henna and not doing housework: "I can't do that. I just get henna."

You can also apply hydrogen peroxide with a cotton ball to the design, but be sure to moisturize the skin following the application.

If the design is on the palm of the hand or the soles of the feet, the henna demise is the slowest because of the thickness of the skin. If the design is the arms, chest or face, it will fade quicker than if a design on top of the hand. More importantly, if the henna was of very good quality and remained on the skin for long, it may have good staining power no matter where it is placed.

Original Question

Why do people think Casey Anthony is so bad?

Q. I don't understand why the public turns such a condescending eye towards this woman. She was obviously found not guilty and I just don't see why the public just can't let her be. I see countless FaceBook groups created for the sole purpose of degrading her. Please help.

A. They think bashing Casey gets them cool points. They are not held accountable.

People don't care about the evidence, they just want to bash Casey. Why don't they look up Dr. Vass, the one who claims there was a shocking amount of chloroform present. He also dabbles with divining rods, ok? DIVINING RODS. And the FBI guy REFUTED his evidence. This trial was a joke and people are media-brainwashed, pitchfork-toting sheep.

Nancy Grace stirs the THUGS up emotionally with the precious baby girl and devil is dancing stuff. They are also clueless about reasonable doubt. I don't mind if someone thinks Casey is guilty, I DO mind when people say they hope she is killed on the street, or that the jury should be killed. The verdict was just.

Proof media lies/misleads: CAYLEE WAS NEVER FOUND WITH DUCT TAPE STUCK TO HER NOSE AND MOUTH.

Mouth was rotted and bones chewed by animals, so how can they say tape was on mouth? But I covered my dog's face with cloth and tape before I buried her. It is almost universal, people want to cover or close eyes and mouth before burial, not throw dirt in open eyes, etc, Maybe Caylee had mouth open, with death gasses coming out, flies crawling in it, fluid leaking, so they cover with cloth then tape, maybe just tape. THEY FOUND 3 Pieces of tape, one for mouth area, two for eyes? You don't want to kiss child goodbye without closing mouth and eyes by mortician wax, insecticide, and thread, or at least tape or cloth in a panic. I think the body was gonna get moved again to some final resting place, or possibly "cremated".

Expert witnesses said tape was likely applied after death. There was a piece of tape stuck to her hair and side of skull. Expert says tape was probably simply holding jaw bone to skull after decomp. Also, tape sticky enough to stick to matted hair, but no DNA on tape leads one to believe tape might not ever have been on skin. Tape could have come from the bag. Three small pieces of tape cannot be murder weapon by themselves, you would need to tie arms back too, do something else. And there was no heart sticker found on Caylee, that's a fact. But so what if there was?

Dad probably told Casey he would bury child, because she could go to jail for drowning accident, police will call it murder. Casey went along with Dad's plan, did not report death. Accidental drowning MUCH more common than someone killing child in order to have more sex. ACCIDENTAL DROWNING NUMBER 2 KILLER OF KIDS UNDER 5. Casey might have drowned in grandad's pool, he didn't want to lose his house and insurance. Perhaps Grandad had bad fence around pool, or negligent in some other way? Casey could then sue her parents for negligence. Maybe Casey was negligent in some way. You want evidence of drowning, like finding water in lungs? Sorry, you can't have that. The body was rotted.

Waiting 31 days to say child was missing, well because she was dead. Maybe someone was negligent about the drowning because they had drugs in their system, and that's why they waited a month to clean system? Now I don't know this happened AT ALL. But people don't report car accidents, taxes, injuries all the time. People make Bad decisions. There are reasons why someone would cover up accidental death.

Prosecution COULD NOT EVEN PROVE A MURDER TOOK PLACE, COULD NOT RULE OUT ACCIDENTAL DROWNING. Jury was right to come back with not guilty verdict.

Casey's support system is young and socializing, not in her room alone with her. That is why she goes out. Regarding the tattoo, lots of people in this country drink and get memorial tattoos shortly after a loved one dies. "Bella Vita" could be a tribute to her daughter. She certainly couldn't get RIP Caylee at that time. Couldn't wear an ever-popular memorial t shirt. Couldn't put a memorial sticker on her car.

I google bank heists, bullet-proof shirts, ice bullets, and poison pens. I just googled chloroform. Googling is not a crime. "Casey" googled chloroform after "she" saw a joke about it on the internet. Doesn't make her a murderer. 84 times googling is a ridiculous, unreliable number. Do they count reading several search results for the term as googling it several times? Or refreshing page? Or favoriting? Or emailing to oneself?

The reports of a "no regrets" diary entry confessing to a murder are just not true. Look for the YEAR the diary entries were written. The chloroform stuff was insignificant traces that proved nothing. YOU probably have chloroform in your house right now.

Bottom line, NO PROOF A MURDER OCCURRED, NO PROOF CASEY DID IT. NOT GUILTY. Disagree with my theories and opinions about what happened and there is still not enough evidence. Before you sentence someone to death, the dots MUST to be clear and close enough on their own for you to see the picture before you connect them.

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Is it forbidden for a Muslim women to straighten bad teeth?

Q. I read this on a Muslim forum - it must be a joked isn't it? Many women in North Africa have tattoos. Allah has cursed women who tattoo their bodies, wear false hair, those who pluck their eyebrows, and those who artificially widen gaps between their teeth.

A. The bible forbids christians to alter the God creation.
philippians 3:21
The Bible warns us against tattoos in Leviticus 19:28
the bible says a woman's hair is her glory .... Oh, but to wear some "fake" hair now is only a disgrace

Original Question

What do you think of women with tattoos?

Q. It seems like almost every girl in New York has a tattoo. Last summer, I went up to Orchard Beach, and it seemed like 90% of the girls had tattoos (and most of them had more than one - one girl had at least 10 of them) And just about every girl in the city has a tattoo on her lower back.

Do you think women look good with tattoos?

How many tattoos are "too many" for a woman?

And is their any body part that women shouldn't get tattooed?

A. I think tattoos are a artistic way to for a person to express themselves male/female. Women inparticular are just more likely to not be as obvious of theirs as men are that's why they are in places that can be hidden or covered up by certain types of clothing we wear. That's why the lower back is so common,plus it's a very sexy place to have it also. I think tattoos with a special artistic or personal meaning look good because noone else but that person can relate to it,it will have something special for that one person. But if somone get's a tattoo because of a bet or some dumb drunken act then no it won't look good. All over body tattoos dont look good on girls especially on the face, I do admire the facial tattoos but I dont agree with them. But it's all up to the female, if she wants something meaningful and personal it will be beautiful no matter where it is. But if it's just some joke of a thing to do, just to fit in a crowd ,then it will be as ridiculous as the person who gets it.

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