Q. "Girl A" was my first girlfriend of about 4-5 months. I met her at a rifle range at a fort, we went together to a military ball, and generally had a good time. Things slowed down a LOT though, and when I heard "Girl B" liked me, it slowed down more. We got to talking and figured we were better off as friends pretty quickly. "Girl B" is a childhood friend of me and my sister. Like, elementary and up. I wound up asking her to homecoming: flowers, reserved tickets to the game and the party, everything I could've done.
As it turns out, the little hint that Girl B had liked me was unfounded, but... maybe slightly true?
This is where it gets confusing. She wants to focus on school and other 'stressful' things. I get it. It's Junior year. We have college Apps, AP exams, family to take care of, less matured friends in all their High School Drama... it's a lot to handle. But she just refuses to give me a No or a Yes either way.
I wound up not going to the game or the party, even though she apparently went to the game with some friends. Of course, I assume it was to settle an issue, because she wound up loosing one of those friends at the game. Her family is going through a hard time right now, and I respect that, but... I'm not high maintenance. At least, I don't figure so. I don't need a "H.S. girl." I don't really want one either. I don't need her arm over my shoulder, or mine around her waist in the halls or between classes.
Of course, this all started in Mid September. It's now late November, and she has so far dodged me on giving me a straight forward answer either way. I keep telling myself one of these days she's gonna throw her arms around me, or slam the door in my face, and either one would be better than where I am now.
But now Girl A still likes me. We had a good time, no trouble, no issues, not even an argument. It was born and died mutually and with each other's best interest at heart. But now it's the uncertain childhood friend, who culturally is closer to me, who has grown close with my family, and been a good friend for many years, versus the lovable ex, who has taken a special place in my memory and heart...... But I'm stubborn, and dedicated, and blind/dense to relationships. I told her I was waiting for Girl B to give me an answer, and that Girl A was not a back-up plan, that I didn't want to be "that guy" who saves one girl if the other turns him down...
She smiled and told me that our relationship was really just the kind to make the one between me and Girl B stronger. . .
Now I'm lost. Did I make a mistake? Never in my dreams would I leave a girl because I think I could do better. I din't leave Girl A because I thought Girl B was better... just better FOR me.... They're both wonderful friends, kind souls, and fun to be around, but I thought religious and cultural differences would make Girl A complicated later on.
Did I make a mistake? Is it wrong of me to keep waiting for this one girl who just has a good sense of priorities over another who didn't work out but by all rights should have?
Ladies in particular, I know how to be a good man, but am terrible with reading the other gender :) If y'all could help me out here, it'd be very much appreciated...
As it turns out, the little hint that Girl B had liked me was unfounded, but... maybe slightly true?
This is where it gets confusing. She wants to focus on school and other 'stressful' things. I get it. It's Junior year. We have college Apps, AP exams, family to take care of, less matured friends in all their High School Drama... it's a lot to handle. But she just refuses to give me a No or a Yes either way.
I wound up not going to the game or the party, even though she apparently went to the game with some friends. Of course, I assume it was to settle an issue, because she wound up loosing one of those friends at the game. Her family is going through a hard time right now, and I respect that, but... I'm not high maintenance. At least, I don't figure so. I don't need a "H.S. girl." I don't really want one either. I don't need her arm over my shoulder, or mine around her waist in the halls or between classes.
Of course, this all started in Mid September. It's now late November, and she has so far dodged me on giving me a straight forward answer either way. I keep telling myself one of these days she's gonna throw her arms around me, or slam the door in my face, and either one would be better than where I am now.
But now Girl A still likes me. We had a good time, no trouble, no issues, not even an argument. It was born and died mutually and with each other's best interest at heart. But now it's the uncertain childhood friend, who culturally is closer to me, who has grown close with my family, and been a good friend for many years, versus the lovable ex, who has taken a special place in my memory and heart...... But I'm stubborn, and dedicated, and blind/dense to relationships. I told her I was waiting for Girl B to give me an answer, and that Girl A was not a back-up plan, that I didn't want to be "that guy" who saves one girl if the other turns him down...
She smiled and told me that our relationship was really just the kind to make the one between me and Girl B stronger. . .
Now I'm lost. Did I make a mistake? Never in my dreams would I leave a girl because I think I could do better. I din't leave Girl A because I thought Girl B was better... just better FOR me.... They're both wonderful friends, kind souls, and fun to be around, but I thought religious and cultural differences would make Girl A complicated later on.
Did I make a mistake? Is it wrong of me to keep waiting for this one girl who just has a good sense of priorities over another who didn't work out but by all rights should have?
Ladies in particular, I know how to be a good man, but am terrible with reading the other gender :) If y'all could help me out here, it'd be very much appreciated...
A. Believe it or not, you're not the only one to go through something like this. I'll tell you what could help if you're willing to read through my story. My first semester I met a girl and we really hit it off, she was my "Girl B". Girl B and I were great together, we made eachother laugh and I could always cheer her up when she was down. When we were out in public complete strangers would sometimes walk up to us and ask if we were dating! I thought Girl B had feelings for me but not much ever became of it. I put off hanging out with friends for her and I didn't allow myself to develop any relationships with other women. What I didn't see then was that she was stunting my growth as a person. Winter break came and I spent all my time thinking of her, waiting to see her again. We talked over break but she didn't tell me much about what was going on in her life. She came back with a tattoo. This may not sound like a big deal but the girl I knew was very much opposed to the idea. She had a transformation in character almost overnight. It was then that I met a girl who transferred in, Girl A. Girl A invited me to the movies with her and I decided then that if something were to ever come from my relationship with Girl B it had to be then, I didn't want to be left in the dark any longer. I explained my feelings to her and asked her point blank if she'd be my girlfriend. She didn't say yes. She didn't say no. She said "I don't know if I can do that right now." And with that I walked away. The very next night I went to the movies with Girl A and we've been dating ever since.
Oddly enough, there names even start with A and B!
What I mean to convey with all of this is Girl B can't help but waste your time. She's either waiting on her own reasons or waiting on a guy who's doing the same to her as she as to you. My Girl B was putting me off because her ex-boyfriend was putting her off. She's turned you into herself. You're keeping Girl A waiting. What Girl B is doing is keeping you in suspense with no regard for your feelings. If Girl B can't make a choice, she never will. If you have any respect for Girl A then I hope you'll realize you're doing the same thing to her.
Girl A likes you enough to seek you out, Girl B just likes the attention you give her. Please do yourself a favor and try to have the relationship both you and Girl A deserve.
Oddly enough, there names even start with A and B!
What I mean to convey with all of this is Girl B can't help but waste your time. She's either waiting on her own reasons or waiting on a guy who's doing the same to her as she as to you. My Girl B was putting me off because her ex-boyfriend was putting her off. She's turned you into herself. You're keeping Girl A waiting. What Girl B is doing is keeping you in suspense with no regard for your feelings. If Girl B can't make a choice, she never will. If you have any respect for Girl A then I hope you'll realize you're doing the same thing to her.
Girl A likes you enough to seek you out, Girl B just likes the attention you give her. Please do yourself a favor and try to have the relationship both you and Girl A deserve.
Need advice. A psychiatrist would be awesome. Teenager ,?
Q. I think I might be bisexual. I believe in reincarnation. I like witchcraft. I want to be a burlesque dancer. My parents are very Christian. I don't know what to do
A. Here's my backstory: I'm 21, female, I've had sexual relations with both men and women, I have tried several different types of drugs/alcohol before I was of legal age, I got pregnant about a year ago (out of wedlock, though I had a miscarriage, which I'm still really sad about), I'm a democrat, I listen to "loud rock music", watch "guy" movies (like Jackass), believe in God but I'm not religious, nor do I consider myself to be of any particular religion, I support gay marriage and abortion but not the death penalty, none of my friends are the same race as me (I'm half white/half Mexican and I have friends who are white, Vietnamese, Chinese, Arab, mixed race, Jewish, among others). My boyfriend is Jewish. Most of my friends smoke pot, drink alcohol frequently, and smoke hookah (flavored tobacco), and I do all those things when I hang out with them. I have tattoos and piercings, and I use colorful language on a daily basis.
Why's this weird? My mom's side of the family is VERY Christian (you know, no sex before marriage, homosexuality is a sin, don't date someone who isn't Christian, don't take the lord's name in vain, blah blah blah), and my dad's side is very traditional Mexican (less strict than Christians, but they're Catholic so again, sex before marriage and homosexuality are frowned down upon). My family doesn't like tattoos or piercings, and for most of them any drug use or alcohol use is frowned upon. And the fact that I'm dating a Jewish guy, and that none of my friends are at all religious? (including my Jewish boyfriend lol) Trust me, I've felt like the black sheep of the family for my whole life, because I AM the black sheep. And you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. They can live their God-fearing, quiet, alcohol and drug-free, missionary sex only for procreation, stick to your own kind, lives... I'm me, and they can take it or leave it. I tone down my more in-your-face behaviors when I'm with family, but as for the things I can't change? I like who I like, I like what I like, and there's no shame in it.
So my advice? Just be yourself. Your family will love you for who you are, and if they don't like your sexual preferences, your choice of profession, or your beliefs, then they're obviously not open-minded enough to look past all the stuff they consider "bad" and see that you're still their child. I thought my mom would disown me when I told her I was pregnant, but she told me she'd support me through everything (of course, I lost the baby about a month later, and when that happened she cried with me). And there's something to be said about having the guts to stand up for what you believe in and who you want to be. I admire people who say "yeah, I'm gay. and my boyfriend is of a different race than me. and you know, I don't care what you think, because it's MY life, I'm gonna live it how I see fit."
Why's this weird? My mom's side of the family is VERY Christian (you know, no sex before marriage, homosexuality is a sin, don't date someone who isn't Christian, don't take the lord's name in vain, blah blah blah), and my dad's side is very traditional Mexican (less strict than Christians, but they're Catholic so again, sex before marriage and homosexuality are frowned down upon). My family doesn't like tattoos or piercings, and for most of them any drug use or alcohol use is frowned upon. And the fact that I'm dating a Jewish guy, and that none of my friends are at all religious? (including my Jewish boyfriend lol) Trust me, I've felt like the black sheep of the family for my whole life, because I AM the black sheep. And you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. They can live their God-fearing, quiet, alcohol and drug-free, missionary sex only for procreation, stick to your own kind, lives... I'm me, and they can take it or leave it. I tone down my more in-your-face behaviors when I'm with family, but as for the things I can't change? I like who I like, I like what I like, and there's no shame in it.
So my advice? Just be yourself. Your family will love you for who you are, and if they don't like your sexual preferences, your choice of profession, or your beliefs, then they're obviously not open-minded enough to look past all the stuff they consider "bad" and see that you're still their child. I thought my mom would disown me when I told her I was pregnant, but she told me she'd support me through everything (of course, I lost the baby about a month later, and when that happened she cried with me). And there's something to be said about having the guts to stand up for what you believe in and who you want to be. I admire people who say "yeah, I'm gay. and my boyfriend is of a different race than me. and you know, I don't care what you think, because it's MY life, I'm gonna live it how I see fit."
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