Q. "It was a team, a man and a woman, his girlfriend.They drove a dark colored luxury sedan...I'm thinking maybe a midnight blue Mercedes-Benz C-Class. " Patricia Schultz moved deftly through the neighborhood with the Pakistani couple who had contacted her close on her heels. Their foster daughter had disappeared without a trace and the police had no leads. Desperate for even an inkling, they had called her to perform a psychic reading. "Sound familiar?"
"No!" The wife insisted.
"Alright then. Someone saw them. I get that feeling very strongly. The man was very tall. At least six foot five, but probably a few inches taller. He has dark hair but shaves his head. I get the feeling that he is nearer to thirty than twenty,but not thirty.Maybe twenty-eightish? Pale olive skin with many tattoos. " Patricia let it go at that. "Let's move on." She closed her eyes and tried to envision the little girl. " I see dark hair.Thick. Wavy. Very long. Past her waist. Blue eyes? Tall for her age but slim. Maybe 10 years old?" Per her request she had not yet seen a picture of the missing child."I see a pearly colored sedan here in your drive way. Nothing threatening, a carpool I think. It came five days a week,so it must be a carpool. It's dropping her off. She's going in the house and she's being watched by the couple in the Benz. They've been watching her for well over a week."
"Who?!" The husband was clearly frustrated with her vagueness.
"Don't know yet." Patricia admitted. "Let's go inside,shall we?" When she was shown inside the couple's modest three bedroom ranch home. "By and by, who are her parents? Her birth parents?"
"Why?" The husband asked suspiciously.
"Her mother was an old friend of mine." The wife confessed.
"Was? Is she dead?" Patricia persisted.
"Not exactly...we don't really know where she is. "
"I see." Patricia allowed herself to become the missing girl again."She left her bag by the door along with her shoes and went to the Den." Her senses led her to the sofa. "She was here last. Asleep and that is how she left this house." She concluded. "The man and woman entered the house with a key a short time later. Again this was planned. The man made a beeline for the Den, while the woman went to her bedroom. They had been here before while you were away to scope out the place. The man, he relished hoisting the child off the sofa. He felt...fulfilled. He held her close and had to stop himself from running out the door with her but stuck to the preset plan...he whispered something in her ear." Patricia paused then decided to keep what she heard the man say to the child to herself. "The woman brought back a blanket from her bedroom and draped it over the child. Together they departed the house, appearing as nothing more than a couple with their sleeping child."
"Then what!?"The foster father demanded.
"They walked for about half a mile northeast of here to where they had parked the car, placed the sleeping child in the trunk and drove away." Patricia said coolly. What she had heard the man whisper to the child had greatly changed her demeanor toward the foster parents.
"In the trunk?!"
"Yes. Not for very long though. When they were perhaps 200 miles away, they placed her in the backseat and continued on."
"Where did they go!?" The foster mother was in near hysterics.
"First to the north, maybe to Seattle. Then on a plane and many and many miles away... I'm sorry, but the child isn't coming back. She's got a new life far, far away from here." Patricia concluded solemnly. She mentally broke her connection with the "missing" child and turned to face the foster parents. "She isn't coming back." She repeated again. "I'm sorry."
"No!" The wife insisted.
"Alright then. Someone saw them. I get that feeling very strongly. The man was very tall. At least six foot five, but probably a few inches taller. He has dark hair but shaves his head. I get the feeling that he is nearer to thirty than twenty,but not thirty.Maybe twenty-eightish? Pale olive skin with many tattoos. " Patricia let it go at that. "Let's move on." She closed her eyes and tried to envision the little girl. " I see dark hair.Thick. Wavy. Very long. Past her waist. Blue eyes? Tall for her age but slim. Maybe 10 years old?" Per her request she had not yet seen a picture of the missing child."I see a pearly colored sedan here in your drive way. Nothing threatening, a carpool I think. It came five days a week,so it must be a carpool. It's dropping her off. She's going in the house and she's being watched by the couple in the Benz. They've been watching her for well over a week."
"Who?!" The husband was clearly frustrated with her vagueness.
"Don't know yet." Patricia admitted. "Let's go inside,shall we?" When she was shown inside the couple's modest three bedroom ranch home. "By and by, who are her parents? Her birth parents?"
"Why?" The husband asked suspiciously.
"Her mother was an old friend of mine." The wife confessed.
"Was? Is she dead?" Patricia persisted.
"Not exactly...we don't really know where she is. "
"I see." Patricia allowed herself to become the missing girl again."She left her bag by the door along with her shoes and went to the Den." Her senses led her to the sofa. "She was here last. Asleep and that is how she left this house." She concluded. "The man and woman entered the house with a key a short time later. Again this was planned. The man made a beeline for the Den, while the woman went to her bedroom. They had been here before while you were away to scope out the place. The man, he relished hoisting the child off the sofa. He felt...fulfilled. He held her close and had to stop himself from running out the door with her but stuck to the preset plan...he whispered something in her ear." Patricia paused then decided to keep what she heard the man say to the child to herself. "The woman brought back a blanket from her bedroom and draped it over the child. Together they departed the house, appearing as nothing more than a couple with their sleeping child."
"Then what!?"The foster father demanded.
"They walked for about half a mile northeast of here to where they had parked the car, placed the sleeping child in the trunk and drove away." Patricia said coolly. What she had heard the man whisper to the child had greatly changed her demeanor toward the foster parents.
"In the trunk?!"
"Yes. Not for very long though. When they were perhaps 200 miles away, they placed her in the backseat and continued on."
"Where did they go!?" The foster mother was in near hysterics.
"First to the north, maybe to Seattle. Then on a plane and many and many miles away... I'm sorry, but the child isn't coming back. She's got a new life far, far away from here." Patricia concluded solemnly. She mentally broke her connection with the "missing" child and turned to face the foster parents. "She isn't coming back." She repeated again. "I'm sorry."
A. I think it ends okay. I think the first bit's a little long. It needs to be short, snappy, sweet. You really need to grab the readers attention and let them have no control over when to stop reading that story. I didn't really understand what the first paragraph was about until i read it again. If it was a real book, i would have put it down to be honest.
Try explaining the story first. You could start with the little girl.
lets say her names melinda.
Melinda tiptoed into her house that night. She had an eerie feeling that someone was watching her.
"That can't be right" She whispered. "I'm safe."
Her voice broke the silence. In her mind the danger was stretching, expanding and tugging at every piece of that moment. She sat on her couch, forced herself to relax. Why would anything get her? She was obviously being paranoid. But Oh, how wrong she was. She didn't know she'd be lost. Miles and miles away from her only relatives. It was up to her now.
Atleast now you can gather information about the story. Suddenly starting with commentary like: "it was a team, a man and a woman, his girlfriend" isn't proper english. You wouldn't write that but you would say it. That's what's confusing. Let the reader understand what's happening first unless its an action scene. I also think your first paragraph has too many long sentences and words. I think writing is sort of like a jigsaw puzzle. A mashup of simple sentences and complexities. It needs to fit together. Hope I helped.
Try answering my question :D
Try explaining the story first. You could start with the little girl.
lets say her names melinda.
Melinda tiptoed into her house that night. She had an eerie feeling that someone was watching her.
"That can't be right" She whispered. "I'm safe."
Her voice broke the silence. In her mind the danger was stretching, expanding and tugging at every piece of that moment. She sat on her couch, forced herself to relax. Why would anything get her? She was obviously being paranoid. But Oh, how wrong she was. She didn't know she'd be lost. Miles and miles away from her only relatives. It was up to her now.
Atleast now you can gather information about the story. Suddenly starting with commentary like: "it was a team, a man and a woman, his girlfriend" isn't proper english. You wouldn't write that but you would say it. That's what's confusing. Let the reader understand what's happening first unless its an action scene. I also think your first paragraph has too many long sentences and words. I think writing is sort of like a jigsaw puzzle. A mashup of simple sentences and complexities. It needs to fit together. Hope I helped.
Try answering my question :D
Looking for a personal review or reference for a tattoo artist in Seattle, WA?
Q. I am taking a trip to Seattle over the new year, and I'm hoping to get a tattoo while I'm there.
I've already done some research on Google, and so far I'm leaning towards Stephanie at Madame Lazonga Tattoo.
Does anyone have a personal reference or review from a tattoo artist in Seattle?
As I said, I've already done some research, I'm looking for personal experience.
Looking for a reference for ANY tattoo artist, not necessarily limited to Stephanie at Madame Lazonga Tattoo.
I've already done some research on Google, and so far I'm leaning towards Stephanie at Madame Lazonga Tattoo.
Does anyone have a personal reference or review from a tattoo artist in Seattle?
As I said, I've already done some research, I'm looking for personal experience.
Looking for a reference for ANY tattoo artist, not necessarily limited to Stephanie at Madame Lazonga Tattoo.
A. Hello --- i go to Magenta at Diamond Tattoo in Kent. Here is a video of the tattoos she
has done. The leg one is a cover up and it's now 4 days old. There is more to go as after
4 plus hours the skin said no more and we had to give it a rest until later, so the highlights
and color are still to be put in. Hopefully you are going before the 12th of January as she
will be out here in florida to do the all women artists tattoo convention.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gc9lxylaPnU
Hope this is a help.
has done. The leg one is a cover up and it's now 4 days old. There is more to go as after
4 plus hours the skin said no more and we had to give it a rest until later, so the highlights
and color are still to be put in. Hopefully you are going before the 12th of January as she
will be out here in florida to do the all women artists tattoo convention.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gc9lxylaPnU
Hope this is a help.
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